UnFriend

by - Wednesday, May 18, 2016


Friendship in the 21st century is taking on a little new perspective compared to the good old days.
It may be the coming of the digital technology that has swooped us all into its spell as it lures us into succumbing to the liberty and ease it has to offer.

For instance, finding someone you used to know is probably just a mouse click or a keyboard away, as I have previously mentioned in my earlier post (read here).
Even keeping in touch with close friends is no longer a challenge,even if you are living on the opposite sides of the world for the existence of Internet made everything virtually possible.
You could be surfing the waves with your friends in Hawaii anytime of the day if you want to; well, virtually of course.

If you are missing them, a phone call or even video calls on your phone where you could see their entire face filling your phone or computer screen immediately.

Yes, that is the power of the digital age.
It brings possibilities.

Friendships take on a whole different meaning altogether, though there is no right or wrong when it comes to comparing to the way it was defined back when, well, all the way back when the Internet does not exist.

Today, you can keep up with your friends and their lives on social media and networking sites; Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, Snapchat, just to name a few.
Making new friends is just as easy as it sounds too; forget about signing up for social parties or even finding someone you write to (they used to have a term on that - pen pals, and whatever happened to that?)

With such ease and convenience, it is not surprising to see the growing number of friends most people have on their own contact list.

Everyone is a friend, with that Friends tab on your profile.

The way to keeping up with them Friends?
Hover over or click on their names and you could view their most recent activities or even their lifestyle; achievements, life events, you name it.
(Just make sure you do not cross over to become a stalker, monitoring their every move. You should be arrested or get yourself checked if you find yourself obsessing over someone so much. I am serious).

While it is easy to make friends or keeping yourself updated with just a click, it is also, on the other hand, just as easy to lose that friendship.
With a click as well.

That's where the Unfriend button comes in.

It is just as it sounds, UN-FRIEND, as it "I do not want to be friends with this person" or put it simply, as a child would say, "I don't want to friend you".

I am not here to discuss about the reasons you want to unfriend a person, but rather, the whole concept of Unfriend.

This whole new era it seems, is preaching about the way a friendship can actually be UN-done.
Like it never existed, the way I view it.

I am not saying it is wrong or right, perhaps there are reasons such as the wrong move to add someone and that person turned out to be a creepy stalker (read above) who was checking and telling you about your every move, or worse, even started harassing you; sending you death threats and blackmails.
It could have been a harmless mistake, you were just being kind to be friends with the person (with the intention of making a new friend online - we will discuss about the dangers of befriending strangers someday) but that person turns out to be more than what you bargained for, in a menacing way.
In that case, that Unfriend button is the least you could do, and it may require the attention of the law enforcers to ensure your safety.

Then perhaps there is that friend (or used to be someone you thought were a friend); an old friend or acquaintance who turned out to harass you, constantly and you just wanted a peace of mind.
Maybe, you could decide to end it all.

But, the whole point of Unfriending someone, and I am looking at the context of an ordinary situation; where you have this circle of regular friends and suddenly, there is a fallout and you really do not want to be friends with the person anymore, or just feel like you want to re-evaluate your friendship, is it okay to just click on that Unfriend tab from your side?

I am assuming that you do not inform the person you are Unfriending him/her, and seriously, what is the point, when you do not want to their friend anymore?

Is it okay, in that context?

Now this is probably a controversy, and perhaps, some of us struggle with the whole idea of right versus wrong.
Should I, should I not?
Toss the coin.

After all, the person doesn't know, or may never know.

But, does that make it okay, just because you are doing something to just break the friendship without their knowledge?
What they don't know won't hurt them?

What if they DO find out?

And, does an UNFRIEND button really just does that digital cleaning and undo all that years of friendship or memories, with one click?
Can you ever pretend it never happened?

It is rather perplexing, isn't it?

I won't tell you whether it is right or wrong either, for like I said, it is the digital age, though personally, I tend to sway towards the whole ethics part and rationale behind it.

I am not saying that we should not use the Unfriend button, but rather, let's view at the whole situation beyond that tab and away, from the computer screen/phone/digital devices, mouse and keyboard.

Take a step back and imagine the whole situation taking place in reality.

As in, you are standing right in front of that friend you had a fallout with.
You probably had an argument or something which tore you both apart, leaving only resentment in both your hearts.

You know you will never consider this person your friend ever, and the same sentiment is probably felt in your friend's heart.
(Yes, imagine it to the worst extent to feel the impact)

But, you are facing each other.

What do you do?
You walk away, without a word, turning your backs on each other, knowing that there is no looking back.
No words are needed, but that is how severe the damage has been done.

Now, on a different level, what if it was just a misunderstanding or perhaps something which your friend did and you were offended?
You feel angry at that moment, and you vowed never to speak to that person.
Your friend is right there, standing, oblivious to the fact that he/she has offended you and suddenly, you walk away, left them there just like that.

You do not want to acknowledge or give them that right to even know what they have done.

Suddenly you disappeared; not even without telling them you are offended or asking for clarification.

Maybe it will be years before you find out that truth from another friend, or perhaps by chance and you realized that you misjudged them.
But the damage is done, and probably this time, your friend would have found out that you just walked away with that judgment.
Things like these always happen.

You may have lost your friend, without a proper cause.

Turn the whole thing around, what if you were that friend, and your friend walked away while you were still happily thinking of what to get him/her for their surprise birthday/Christmas gift.
You find yourself unable to contact that person anymore.
You find yourself not knowing why your friend was angry at you.
You find yourself not understanding that whole rationale behind your friend's decision.
You don't know.
You were confused.
You want to know, but there is no way to find or even talk to that person anymore.
You were left to wonder, what have you done?

You thought that was your friend.

What could have happened that you were left without an answer?

The very least is, you could have at least been told of your wrongdoings and then perhaps that dreaded saying, "I no longer want anything to do with you. We are no longer friends"

Sounds harsh, doesn't it?

Even for the person who has to listen to it, and even the person who has to say it.

It is just as hard for both ends.

Perhaps that is why it is easier to do it with the button, behind your computer screen or phone.
It is easier to leave things unsaid.

It is better for your friend to never know they have lost your friendship.
They don't have to know.

It is better for you not to hear those dreadful words that someone does not want to be your friend.
It is better for you to only find out that your friend left you, a few months (or years) later.
Without reason.
Without ever knowing why, unless you bump into him/her on the street someday.

Which is better, or worse?

Those are just the scenarios depicted when it comes to that Unfriend button on your social media. 
From both sides of the party; the one who unfriend and the one who was being unfriended.

Simply put, it is just like someone not wanting to face a confrontation; either way.

You may never want that friend to know.
You are protecting their feelings, or so you thought.

You are just too hurt and disappointed that you cannot bring yourself to say these words.

You found out your friend unfriended you.
You do not know why, and perhaps you are starting with confusion, wondering which shifts to anger and disappointment too.

It all ends, with just an Unfriend button.

How would you feel when you meet the person you unfriended?
How would you feel when you meet the person who unfriended you?

Nobody has to know.
Nobody knows.
Nobody wants to know.

Do you?

What happens when you know, or found out?
Why did they do this to you?
What if you know why?
Do you still want to know why?

Maybe you do, maybe you don't.
Some of us prefer closure, or even goodbye, or simply the truth.
At least there is a reason for the end.

Some may not.
Some may want to initially, then they wished they never did.

Some may not even know what they want even.

Some may never even know, that they lost a friend.

Maybe that's the reason; that some things are better left unknown, unsaid.

Perhaps ignorance is bliss, sometimes.

Right or wrong, it all lies within the click of the person who hovers over the tab.

The Unfriend tab.

It is your friend anyway, or not after that.

Your call, and you would have to face what comes after (or maybe not).

Only you would know, or could decide.






*Author's Note: 
This is not a sponsored/promotional post, and solely based on author's personal opinions and do not represent the general public. 
Experiences vary from one individual to another.
You do not have to agree with me.

Art Direction and Photography Styling by Me.
Photos/Videos all belong to me and are copyrighted.
Please kindly ask for permission if you need to use any of my images.




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