NEW Year, OLD Me

By Christina Kim - January 22, 2019



It is again the start of another year, a brand new one and everything is reset to the very beginning. The past year is put behind quickly, with all its events left in the background as hope and new beginnings herald that realm of the new year.

January has whizzed past us and we are fast approaching the end of the first month of the new year (I know I am behind in my New Year greeting), it seems like the year is determined in its speed. Then again, time and tide does indeed wait for no man at all.

The new year always puts everyone in a good mood, with hopes and expectations high up for a new start to everything. It is a good reason to put things behind us, the bad and the ugly of the past behind us with an imaginary 'reset' button at the flip of the calendar. It is all about the change that everyone plans for, looks forward to and anticipates in all eagerness.
New year, new beginnings, new 'Me', new resolutions, new hopes and basically to turn over a new leaf. I think over the last few years, many have hopped onto the bandwagon of no longer making new year resolutions for various reasons, yet the new year is all about restarting anew. It is all about the 'New' and how everyone would go about proclaiming, "New Year, NEW Me". 

It is not a wrong thing to say, nor a wrong perception to begin with for change is always nice. A change for the better is even more welcomed. We strive to be a better person, a better version of our past selves, to be someone different, to be that 'New' person. But, that new person is not entirely so new that it is no longer us, and that is why, I put in the 'OLD' Me because essentially, that person is still ME.
I did not become another person overnight, at the struck of midnight on the 1st of January.
I am still the same Old person who is just celebrating the beginning of a new year and hoping to create a New version of myself.
I did not transform into someone New just like that, I just renewed my hopes and expectations to better prepare me for the upcoming year and to enter into another phase of my life.

Besides, I don't think I want to be an all new person either, because it is this OLD Me who made me who I am today. Without this OLD me, how can I have a NEW me?
Furthermore, is that 'OLD Me' really that bad that we don't see anything in that self?
That is not true either, that old self is a treasure of memories, experiences, knowledge, and discoveries acquired over the years from the moment I was born. The good, the bad, and the ugliest ones all tucked in every nook and cranny of me. Some are long forgotten, some remains very fresh in the mind, but they all exist. They are part of me. They are what makes me who I am today, whether I remember every bit of it or not, and good or bad, I don't want to cast them away because losing them would be losing that bit of myself who came on that long journey over the years to this very day.
I want it all, be it good or bad. I want the good memories to accompany me and to remind and motivate me on days when I am down, the sad ones to tell me of my past mistakes and the reasons not to repeat them again and all the bittersweet experiences which moulded me into the very person I am today.

We used to say that we should leave the bad memories behind, the undesirable events which caused only pain when recalled all in the past but now, I think I have a slightly different view on this. They are unpleasant, yes, however, I feel they are just as precious as the good and happy memories because if not for these painful ones, I would never learn the meaning of happiness. One would not know to appreciate good if one has not known the bad and our life journey is made up of not just sugar, spice and everything nice, but also all that dirt and grime which one wants to just sweep under the carpet or leave it buried in the closet. Everyone has these skeletons in the closet, nobody is immune from it, because we are all just human and as I grow older, I just think that they are just as important in the making of our personal life stories because it is these skeletons that we learn humility.

Life is not all about flowers, and even flowers themselves go through the different seasons. The most beautiful ones still wither in fall, colourful leaves let themselves fly in the wind and fall onto the ground but the branches and the trunks of the trees still remain intact and rooted to the ground. 
We are just the same, because it is that same process that makes our lives colourful and enriched. If we have never experienced the ups and downs in life, we will never know the rhythm of life in the first place for everything will be a straight line and I think, that would be a very boring journey.

Yes, I am the OLD Me, I would not want to trade it for anything else in the world, but I am ready to make some new changes to bad and tiresome habits and slowly work my way into becoming a better person. I can't perform miracles, I want to be realistic in making my change and allowing myself time and  as I reflect upon my own mistakes which I am sure I will discover along the way. To be a better person, I need to be able to forgive myself and allow for change and understand the reason things do not work out.

New does not always mean replacement, but rather, it means understanding the old and being able to amend and complement with what existed in the first place.
By understanding and accepting the OLD me, I can then see what New can fit in and where they can fit in for they should blend in to complete rather than just pure replacement.

This New Year, I will make way for new things to come but also appreciate the Old self who has come a long way, and ensure that the roots remain intact on the ground.
I will not throw away principles nor values I have been taught and I must never lose my self, as I continue on my journey into the brand new year, and many more to come.

Let the Old me thrive with the New and be ready for more challenges in the time to come!

*Author's Note: 
This is not a sponsored/promotional post, and solely based on author's personal opinions and do not represent the general public. 
Experiences vary from one individual to another.
You do not have to agree with me.

Art Direction and Photography Styling by Me.
Photos/Videos all belong to me and are copyrighted.
Please kindly ask for permission if you need to use any of my images.

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