Of Late...

By Christina Kim - April 02, 2015

I have been feeling a little dispirited of late.
Weariness and lethargy are just descriptive of the actual sentiments I am experiencing.
In short, I just don’t feel, like myself.

It is not me to be in a downcast mood, nor is it normal for me to decline in my usual speed on my everyday routine. It is something that is not quite agreeable with my personality, and I just do not like how I feel.
Burnt out, I supposed, is the term one would associate clinically with all the symptoms I have just mentioned.
Depression, could be one of them, but not on the heavyweight extent though.
I am not shying away from that notion of being labeled as a depressive, amidst the furore surrounding the issue of the recent tragedy of the loss of hundreds of lives from a plane crashed into the mountains; proven to be a deliberate attempt by the copilot of the Germanwings.
The co-pilot, identified as the main culprit (though I do not like to use this word in nature) was diagnosed as suffering from long term and serious bouts of depression; a confirmation that was made public in the headlines declaration of dailies distributed around the world.
The sudden spotlight of depression caused major alarm among medical specialists; and with reasonable doubt, for depression has suddenly been plunged into that ravine of uncertainty yet raising red lights on the extent of the illness. Depression suddenly seem to be the antichrist of all matter, and this attention could lead to many sufferers concealing their issues and evading medical consultation altogether.
Depression suddenly became that incriminating disease that one associate with evil acts of crimes and tragedies.

I am not evading that label; for that fear of perception but I am very sure not to associate with the wrong symptoms myself based on my personal medical knowledge.
At the same time, all these clinical symptoms are still similar in their nature; and could be easily mistaken for one another, even by medical experts.
Behavioral history and recent occurrence of events/experiences could contribute to the actual formation of a proper diagnosis to aid the medical specialists in making their conclusions, and it is important to seek medical attention for that verification.
I am never one to shy away from doctors or for that confirmation on whether I am really sick; mentally or physically.

Feelings of gloom are normal for everyone; after all, we are attuned to that highs and lows in life.
There is never that continuous flow of exuberance and effervescence; despite that many mantras preaching on taking life with a pinch of salt or in that lifting perspective.
Things happen, and the mind changes accordingly.
We may be happy one day, sad the next, and angry after that.
It is who we are; mere mortals living to experience that bank of emotions.
It is normal.

I have been through bouts like these myself, and it is just about making that balance.
Just like the STOP sign at the junction, I just need to tell myself to take a break.
Step back, take a deep breath and just really breathe.
Look outside the windows, take some time to meditate and relax.
It is part and parcel of that normal cycle, and for me, I am so accustomed to it because I have always been on the high drive mode.
I am always on the fast lane; every single day.
I can’t help it, it is a realistic rat race out there for me.

Health can no longer take that backseat, I know, and I believe these are times when the body is telling me, “Slow down darling, I need to rest my poor heart”
Yes, that’s my heart telling my brain and the body just does it to me through the mind.
It’s perplexing but then, whoever told you the human body anatomy is elementary or medicine will not take more than three years to pursue.

I need to take my break, I need to slow down my pace.
I just need, to really, and quite simply, breathe, that’s all.


(I wish to whisk myself away on a vacation, to tranquility and serene surroundings...I am wishing now)

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