Counting my Candles

By Christina Kim - January 21, 2017


I have a confession to make; I love my birthday.

Yes, just like a child, I look forward to my birthday each year and just anticipate with such excitement as I count the days off the calendar to its arrival.
Well, I am sure most of us do that too, since our birthdays are well, ahem, that mark of significance of our very existence.
Though maybe, not everyone literally jump for joy or just wait with bated breath as the clock struck twelve.

Just saying.

It is a big deal for some of us (who never grew up/tired of the excitement) and for some, it is just, well, another day.

It may sound like those who are so excited (and proud) of their birthdays are just so full of themselves in that self-centric kind of way, but really, that makes at least more than half of the population, doesn't it?
Or maybe not.

One way or another, I am guessing that I can pull off that Peter Pan-like syndrome anytime when it comes to my birthday in the comfort of a dancing-in-the-middle-of-half-or-not of the population who shares my sentiments.
If you are like me, welcome to the club.

If you are not (what's wrong with you?), well, too bad and no judgment allowed.

Anyway, this is not a post to ramble on about how great my birthday is or how great of a person I am to be born to this world.

No, I am not THAT self-centered.

It is more of a change that I have noticed as I blow the candles off this year, marking another year, well, in wisdom.

And, wisdom it probably is that has start to creep in, or perhaps, knock some sense into me.

Something is just a little different this year, for me, somehow.

What is that "little difference", if you are wondering?

Let's see...

Now, as mentioned, I look forward to my birthday each and every year since the day I was born; just kidding, literally, since the day I started counting perhaps, and this year, well, I guess not so much as before.


I should say, yes, I am definitely surprised by that little change in me.

It is not that I don't feel happy or excited about my birthday at all, but rather, it just did not feel as exciting as before.

Suddenly, it seems like, it is a day to mark me coming into this world, but not in any flamboyant or extravagant kind of way.
(Did I really make it that way each year? Hmmm...)

Regardless, I was a little surprised, yet at the same time, not so, if I may say.

I still love the date I was born, don't get me wrong, but for some reason, I have decided to just have a simple and quiet day rather than really celebrate more than what is required.
(Not that I have a grand celebration every year anyway)

In fact, this year, I even specifically wanted to keep it like a daily affair, choosing to just go on with a daily routine and well, just go to the normal places I used to eat out or chill out at.
Nothing out of the norm.

No specific preference.

Given my limited selection of places I go to, that is really, really a very ordinary and routine affair.
No kidding.

I turned down all the ideas and plans to go for something special, rather choosing to just have a simple daily meal, in quiet.

Looking at it, it was more of a personal choice I made, and in contemplation with my thought of reflection.

This year, I chose to reflect and just focus on the simplicity of things.

For, life is indeed just as simple as we make of it.

I have special treats on my birthday once a year, nothing spectacular either; but this year, was nothing major with my request to just treat it as just another day.

My simple reason is just because, it is a day I was born and it is a day that I count myself blessed to be born.

It was a day I came into existence and while I celebrate my coming to the world, let's not forget it was also a day of anxiety and pain (from labor) for my mother who probably had to work a little bit to make that reality happen.

Then there is my dad, who would be waiting at the same time, praying for both mother and child to be safe.

It is a day filled with bittersweet emotions for the ones who were fully aware of that moment I came into this world.

That, is one of the blessings I am counting for that beginning of my existence.

But, that is not all.

Birthdays are beautiful, true, and it is that one day that we are just literally free to do whatever we want (except commit felony) and just focus on ourselves, indulge and just pamper ourselves.
A complete guilt-free day to enjoy all that showers of love and treats unto ourselves; from ourselves and others who just loved us as much as we do ourselves.

It is a day we call OUR day; a day entirely dedicated to us, or so, everyone says.

Yet, is it entirely our day?

We could be sharing the very same birthdate with millions, billions or probably zillions out there and yet we still call it our day.
It sounds rather pompous, now, don't you think?

Still, it is not wrong to do so, of course, don't worry about it.

As I said, it is OUR day.

This year however, as I still welcome my birthday with joy, I chose to think of the many others who share my birthday and even thought of those who are not born on the same day as me.
The rest of the world who are probably going on with their daily lives.
The rest of the world born on Other days.

The rest of the world, who are probably struggling, in pain, dying, mourning and just making it through each and every day.

It is a day where I celebrate, but I am probably the only one and yes, it is good to love ourselves, but there is also the rest of the world.

I find it rather extravagant, and perhaps wasteful, to splurge on anything out of the ordinary, when there are others who barely even get to celebrate their own birthdays.

It is just my own thought, I am not judging others who splurge on their birthdays.
Hey, it is YOUR day, you make the call.

It is just a reflection I chose to make on my very own day.

It is just my choice, the way I wanted to spend my day.

I wanted to do it while praying for others who do not have the luxury to even make it past labor, who do not even get to remember the day they are born, who do not even know When they are born and who do not even have anyone to celebrate with them.

There are many who do not even have a candle to blow, let alone a cake.

There are also many who do not even have a day which they can truly call their own.

There are many who cannot even see the day, or just unable to celebrate for reasons of their own.

It is with this very thought that I hold as I look upon myself this year, and blow the candle on my cake.
(I had a tiny slice of cake, it was surprise)

I did have a celebration too, not saying I didn't, as planned by my loved one though I just wanted to tone it down more than usual.

I am no saint, I am just as human as the rest of the world, but I choose to just have my own simple way to observe that day on which I was born.
Just a little differently, for myself, this year.

I count my blessings, and I choose to stand among those who are just like me, human.
There is no one greater than another, as I always say.

It is alright to indulge on ourselves, to pamper and shower ourselves with luxury or extravagance, no judgment.

It is just me.

I am thankful to be born and to be that bundle of joy to my parents, and to be loved by all those I know and around me.

I am humbled by that same fact, that there are many others who are just human like me, born into this world, but yet, may not share the same joys as me.
Worse, they may not even know the meaning of joy.

It is that thought I had when I decided to tone down and just watch the day pass by, holding on to that very thought of the remaining of the world.

As I count the candles on my cake, I count the blessings and wisdom that come my way.

Turns out, I'd say it was the best birthday I ever had, with that thought in mind.


Age, is another number of wisdom...and blessing...

Still, It was indeed, a very Happy and fulfilling Birthday for me (honestly)~


Happy Birthday just took on a very different meaning and perspective for me this year, in my very own view of the happiness I found...

*Author's Note: 
This is not a sponsored/promotional post, and solely based on author's personal opinions and do not represent the general public. 
Experiences vary from one individual to another.
You do not have to agree with me.

Art Direction and Photography Styling by Me.
Photos/Videos all belong to me and are copyrighted.
Please kindly ask for permission if you need to use any of my images.

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